


And Lead Me Not

by hearteating



Category: The Exorcist (TV)
Genre: M/M, Road Trips, Temptation, Wet Dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-07 22:58:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13445190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hearteating/pseuds/hearteating
Summary: After Nachburn Island, Tomas starts dreaming of Marcus again.It's different than the first dream.





	And Lead Me Not

_Tomas kneels and prays, head bent, eyes closed. He prays for his sister, for his nephew, for all the troubled people he has known. The sun streams through the windows of the church, warming his side._

_“Tomas.”_

_He hears his name, and it sounds like God. Tomas opens his eyes, and isn’t surprised to see Marcus standing there in front of him, smiling gently._

_Marcus reaches out a hand and slides it over Tomas’ head to settle on the back of his neck. The touch is familiar, and Tomas sighs and leans forward to rest his head against Marcus’ hip. They stay like that, silent and still. The church is silent and the sun is warm and Tomas isn’t sure when he last felt so at peace._

_Maybe Marcus shifts his weight, or Tomas’ head rolls to the side, but Tomas finds his face now against the front of Marcus’ jeans, and he realizes Marcus is hard. It can’t be comfortable, Tomas thinks, but Marcus is used to ignoring discomfort. He needs to take better care of himself. Marcus’ hand is a gentle weight on the back of his neck. Tomas breathes in deep, catches musk and sweat, and thinks about pressing his mouth there. He wonders what Marcus would do. He wants…_

 

Tomas wakes with a soft curse, and for a moment he’s not sure if he’s disappointed he dreamt such a thing or if he’s disappointed he woke before things could progress further.

“What is it?” Mouse sits up in her bed, voice hard and alert. Tomas can’t see in the dark of the motel room, but he’s sure she has a weapon.

“Nothing,” he replies. “It was a dream.” He drags his hands over his face. Mouse doesn’t move, and he laughs, a little. “Just a dream. I promise.”

Mouse stays still a moment longer; she can see much better in the dark than Tomas, and he’s sure she’s doing her best to see if he’s lying. After a moment, she flops back down. Several seconds later, she’s back asleep. Tomas is jealous of her ability to wake up and fall asleep so quickly, though he knows it was hard won. Marcus was the same. Is the same. He’s gone, Tomas reminds himself; gone, not dead.

He lies in bed, ignoring his erection, and tries not to remember how safe he had felt under Marcus’ hand.

 

_It’s dark, and Tomas is naked. He thinks he should be scared, suddenly finding himself in such a situation, but instead he feels good. Warm and lazy._

_A hand, large and familiar, settles on his knee. A thumb rubs back and forth on the inside of his thigh, and Tomas sighs and relaxes further._

_“Christ,” he hears Marcus say. There’s warm breath against his thigh, and then Marcus’ mouth is sucking at the soft skin there, hot and wet. His moustache and stubble scratch at Tomas, and he sucks in a breath at the sensation._

_“’A very beautiful man,’ they said,” says Marcus against his thigh. “They had no idea. No idea, Tomas, how beautiful you are.” Then he bites at Tomas’ other thigh._

_Tomas knew he was sensitive there—he remembers the feel of Jessica’s hair and fingers—but this, what he is experiencing now, Marcus tongue and teeth and lips and facial hair, all up and down the inside of his thighs, is nearly overwhelming. Adding in Marcus’ muttered, half-desperate praise, and Tomas is sure he’s going to come without even being touched._

_He wishes he could see Marcus, at least, but the darkness is impenetrable. He tries to move his hands to touch Marcus’ head, his neck, anything, but finds he can only move his legs. All he can do is listen and feel and burn. It should be terrifying; Tomas can’t remember the last time he was so turned on._

“Tomas,” _Marcus gasps into the crease of Tomas’ thigh, and he sounds like he’s seen God. In the end, Tomas isn’t sure if it’s that or the mouth on his cock that has him coming._

 

Tomas and Mouse leave at dawn, as always. They’re tracking another amateur exorcist Mouse knows. Mouse hasn’t heard from her in weeks, and fears the worst.

“Do you ever dream about him?” Tomas asks, handing Mouse a cup of truly awful gas station coffee.

“Who?” She drinks half hers down in one swallow—Tomas has long given up understanding how her tastebuds work. Maybe she doesn’t have any. But no, she’s a wonderful cook. Maybe she just takes what she can get. Tomas is trying to learn to do the same.

“Marcus.”

“Ah.” She looks at him out of the corner of her eye. “For a moment, I thought you were talking about God.”

“Well- I-“ Tomas’ face warms. “Have you?”

“What? Dreamed of Marcus? Or dreamed of God?” Mouse smiles, but something in her face tells Tomas this is an old wound. “Can’t say I have.”

“I’m sorry.” Tomas tightens his hold around his cup of coffee. He wants to touch her shoulder, to comfort her, but Mouse is not as easy with touch as Marcus was. Another thing he is learning. “I shouldn’t have asked.”

“It’s not your fault.” Whether this is an acceptance of his apology, or an apology of her own, Tomas isn’t sure. He smiles at her anyway. He likes Mouse, strong and prickly. He’s already learned from her, and he wants to learn more, even if her ways are not always to his taste.

“I’ve never dreamed of God,” he offers. “But I met Marcus in a dream.” Mouse laughs.

“Of course you did,” she replies, shaking her head. “The pair of you.”

 

They first see Jenny reading to children in her town library. She’s short, with wild hair and a sweet smile, and for a moment Tomas thinks she’s safe.

After she finishes _The Little Red Hen_ , however, as the kids chatter amongst themselves, she looks up at Mouse and Tomas, and her left eye rolls to reveal a second iris. Tomas goes cold at the thought of a demon having any sort of influence over children. Nachburn is still fresh in his mind.

"Let's go," he says to Mouse. "We can't do anything here."

 

"Are you sure we should be doing this?" Tomas asks, keeping a watch out while Mouse breaks into Jenny's house. "She saw us back at the library, remember?"

"I know," she replies. "This is a small town, so we can't do anything in public, but it also makes it harder for the demon to act. This is our best chance of getting to her before she contacts any of the others, or leaves." She pushes the door open, and stands, flexing her fingers and wrists. "Jenny was my friend, Tomas. I owe it to her to deal with this."

"Fine," he sighs. "I'm just not sure about this." Mouse glances at him.

"Good. You should always be unsure around demons, Tomas. Never think you understand them or know what they're planning. Never get too confident."

"You sound like Marcus," he says, stepping into Jenny's house. Mouse face twists, and settles on a smile.

"Good."

 

Jenny comes home half an hour after Mouse finishes setting up her supplies in the basement. Tomas hears the click of heels on the tile entryway, and raises his eyebrows at Mouse. She nods, and tenses in anticipation.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are," Jenny calls. Her voice is mocking, and a shiver of unease goes down Tomas' spine. She knows they're here.

Mouse steps out to face her, and Jenny smiles too wide.

"Minnie Mouse, how nice to see you!" She opens her mouth to say more, but Mouse jams a stun gun into her ribs and she drops to the ground.

"Tomas, help me take her down," Mouse snaps, and Tomas hurries over. They carry Jenny between them down the stairs and lay her down inside the circle Mouse drew earlier. Tomas wasn't sure about the circle, at first, but Mouse assured him it would keep the demon contained. She's been doing this longer than Tomas, so he trusts her there. It seems kinder than chaining Jenny to a bed.

She lays still inside the circle, and after five minutes Tomas begins to worry. Stun guns weren't usually lethal, but they could be, and what if they'd killed her? He turns to Mouse.

"Should we check on her? Make sure she's still breathing?"

"Don't go into the circle, Tomas," Mouse replies, flat and hard. "No matter what. She'll have you, otherwise."

"Can you blame me, Minnie?" Jenny says. Tomas turns and she sits up and winks at him. "Just look at the man. Although I suppose your tastes skew a little older, don't they?"

"I'm talking to the demon inside Jennifer Harriot." If Mouse is affected by her words, she doesn’t show it. "How did you find her? Tell me. She wasn't a Church exorcist—she shouldn't have been on your maps."

"Oh, Minnie," Jenny pouts. "Jennifer has been on our map since she exorcised her father at seventeen. What was it she used, again? Oh yes, a first edition of _The Little Prince_. Something like that, and you really think we wouldn't notice just because she wasn't a part of your precious Church?" She tsks and shakes her head. "Really, I thought better of you."

Mouse's jaw tightens and Tomas touches her shoulder, gently.

"What do you want to know?" He asks quietly. "Tell me, and I'll go in and get it from her."

"If they're expanding beyond the Church, it means there's more to this than I originally thought," Mouse says. "Anything you can find out about their plans, anything about their larger purpose, what their move is..."

"Understood." Tomas moves to take a step back, and she grabs his arm.

"This is dangerous, Tomas," hisses Mouse in his ear. "This is stupid and dangerous." He looks at her and smiles softly.

"I know. But I was given this gift for a reason, and I will not deny it."

"I know," she says, and squeezes his arm before letting go. "You can make your own decisions. I had to say it anyway." Marcus would try and stop him, but life with Mouse is different. Tomas steps back and takes a deep breath, settles his nerves and his soul.

"Going to take a peek, Father?" Jenny asks, sweetly poisonous. "Going to see if you can save poor Jenny Harriot's soul?"

"I am going to do what I can," he answers.

"And I," Mouse says, "am going to the loo. Wasn't expecting you back this soon, Jenny. Tomas, don't do anything stupid while I'm gone." She walks across the room.

"Feel free to stay away as long as you like," the demon calls. "After all, it's not like you're the one we want." She giggles. "Story of your life, isn't it? Not important to God, not important to Marcus, not even important to the demons you've spent your life trying to kill. Tell me, Minnie, doesn't that get tiring?"

"Tomas," Mouse says. Her hand grips the doorway tightly. "If you let that thing in, I'll kill you too."

The threat settles him almost as much as when Marcus had held his neck. Tomas wonders what that says about him.

"Understood."

 

The inside of Jenny Harriot's head resembles the library in which he first saw her. It seems larger though, and the lights are failing. Tomas can sense the demon waiting in the shadows, and he's sure it's only waiting to get his measure before making a move. 

“Jenny?” he calls, quietly. He thinks he sees movement in one of the few well-lit sections of shelving, and makes his way over.

To his relief, it really is Jenny, standing on a stool amongst the Westerns, and not the demon inside her. When he steps into the aisle, she whips to face him, and nearly falls over.

“Who are you?” she hisses. “Are you another demon?”

“No, no,” he smiles and raises his hands. “I am Father Tomas. I'm an exorcist. I'm here with Mouse.”

Jenny lets out a laugh, but quickly stifles it.

“An exorcist? I'm integrated, Father. There's no point. I don't even know how you're doing this.” She points at him, and circles her finger to indicate the library.

“It's...a thing I can do,” says Tomas. “I helped a woman once, who was integrated. I think maybe I can help you, too.”

“Really?” she raises an eyebrow skeptically. Mouse had said she wasn't inclined to belief-- it was what made Jenny's ability to exorcise so interesting. Unfortunately, it seemed that interest had extended to demonkind, as well.

“I can try.” He holds her gaze for a moment, trying to project confidence in his skills. There's the sound of humming several aisles over, and Jenny freezes.

“I don't know if you have that sort of time, Father. If you're here with Mouse, she probably has questions. She always has questions.” There's a flicker of a smile.

“Well...yes.” Tomas struggles for a moment. He wants to save her, but the humming and footsteps are getting louder, and Mouse does have questions. “This is bigger than the Church, now. Do you know what the demons are trying to do?”

“Oh.” Jenny looks surprised. “Do you really not know? I thought it was obvious. They're trying to do what they've always tried to do-- bring Hell to Earth. The Church is a part of it, of course, but they're spreading their influence everywhere, and us exorcists have a target on our backs.”

“How did they get you?” Tomas asks. “Why are you...?”

“Integrated?” a voice asks loudly behind him. Jenny's mouth thins, and Tomas whirls around to face the demon.

It looks remarkably like Jenny, and for a moment Tomas feels a twinge of dread, that he had been conversing with the demon this whole time. Then he notes the deadness in its eyes, and the unsettling smile.

“Father Tomas,” says the demon. Its voice is too loud for a library, and it only adds to its wrongness. “I'd been hoping you'd show up. A lot of people are very interested in you, you know.” It flicks its eyes over him. “Let's see why.”

For a moment, Tomas feels something reach into his head and flip through his thoughts like they're the pages of a book. It's never felt like this before, but then, he's never had a demon enter his mind while he was in someone else's.

“Oh, someone's been having naughty dreams, haven't they?” the demon laughs. “Little Father Tomas, hot for teacher. Really, though,” it steps forward, backing Tomas against the shelves. “Your imagination is rather lacking.”

Once again, Tomas feels the sensation of something flipping through his head, but this time, it is accompanied by 

_Marcus, naked and under him, legs wrapped around Tomas' waist and tears in his eyes as Tomas thrusts into him_

_A quiet stretch of country road. Tomas looks over at Marcus driving, reaches out to unzip his jeans, smiles at Marcus' choked noises and leans down to take him into his mouth_

_Marcus, naked again, only this time Tomas is dressed for mass and has one foot pressed to Marcus' cock, watching impassively as Marcus grinds himself against it, words of praise for God and Tomas both spilling from his lips_

_Tomas bent over Marcus lap in a dingy motel room, ass stinging as Marcus deals it another slap, and another, telling Tomas with each blow that he needs to listen, that Marcus can't lose him, that he needs to just_ listen 

_Another bedroom. Tomas leans against the headboard, Marcus in his lap with his back pressed to his chest. Mouse is straddling Marcus, and with every movement of her hips Tomas can feel Marcus tighten around him. He pulls Marcus down by the hips and grinds up, hears the three of them moan, and_

He's back in the library, and the demon is laughing.

“What was that?” he demands, shaking his head.

“You want so much, Father Tomas,” it replies. “Think of it as a loan. A taste of what you could have. Think about it, or suppress it like a good Catholic boy.” The demon shrugs. “Either way, we'll be back to collect.”

It is this threat that reminds Tomas where he is, and why. He grabs at his rosary and begins the familiar prayers. The demon winces, then laughs.

“Jenny and I are integrated, Father,” it says. “That won't work.”

Tomas continues. He doesn't raise his voice, but strengthens it, trying to pour all his conviction that Jenny can be saved into his prayers.

The demon steps back, and Tomas' heart surges. He can do this. He can save her.

And then the demon screams, and he's yanked back into Jenny's basement.

 

“No!” Tomas cries. In front of him, Jenny is screaming as her skin blisters. Mouse stands on the edge of the circle, an empty jar in one hand. “What did you do?”

“Holy water,” she replies. She doesn't take her eyes off Jenny. “It works like acid. I made the circle with anointing oil; in a minute, I'll set it on fire and it will kill the demon without burning the house down.”

“Why?” He steps towards the barrier, but Mouse swings her arm up to block him. “I could save her. I could still save her!”

“Tomas!” She turns to him, her face and voice hard. “I knew Jenny. She told me she never wanted to be integrated. I don't know how they got her, but they did. She said she'd rather die.”

“But I can save her,” Tomas insists. “I'll go back-”

“No, Tomas!” Mouse clenches her fist. “Did you learn anything? Anything at all?”

“A little.”

“Good.” Her eyes close. “Look. Jenny was my friend. I didn't do this lightly. If you don't want to be here, just...go upstairs. Make me a cup of tea.” Her arm drops, and she fishes a lighter out of her pocket.

Tomas looks at her for a moment, his heart twisting in his chest. This isn't easy for her; he can see that, but at the same time, he hates that she chose this path rather than allowing him to try again.

“I'll make some tea,” he says. “But then we should talk.”

 

Mouse brings the cup of tea to her face and inhales deeply. She smells of smoke, and Tomas can't help but wrinkle his nose. 

“I could have saved her,” he says again. Mouse sighs.

“Maybe. But that isn't what she wanted. I know, Tomas,” she continues before he can say anything else. “I know you want to save people. I know you're willing to risk virtually everything to do so. But I made her a promise.” She sips her tea. “Jenny would have done the same for me.” Her voice is raw and her eyes are red. It could be because of the smoke; Tomas doubts it. He takes a deep breath.

“Fine. Let's talk about something else, then.” He sits back. “I talked to Jenny. The demon found us before she could explain how it got her, but she said this is bigger than the Church. That the demons want to bring Hell to earth.” Mouse hums, and takes another sip. “You're not surprised.”

“I wasn't sure,” she admits. “I had been wondering if there was something bigger, though. It's almost a relief to hear my suspicions confirmed. Did the demon say anything?”

“It, uh,” Tomas tries not to think of the things it showed him, tries not to remember the look on Mouse's face in the last vision, “it tried to tempt me. It showed me what it thought I wanted.”

“And do you?” Mouse catches his gaze. “Do you want what the demon showed you?”

Tomas thinks about it; thinks about what the demon showed him, and his dreams from before.

“Maybe.” The admission feels heavy, but it's worse to hide such things when you are an exorcist. “But not like that.

“Anything you want to tell me?” 

“No.” Even if Tomas wasn't still working out what it is he wants, talking with Mouse about Marcus like that is not a step he's willing to take at this time. He smiles at her. “I'll be fine.”

Mouse looks at him. Her eyes are sharp, almost suspicious.

“All right. Don't let it fester, though. That's how they get you.” That reminds Tomas.

“I think the demons have a plan for me. It said they would be back.” Mouse finishes her tea.

“I was afraid of that.”

 

"I thought it would be different," Mouse says in the truck. 

"You thought what would be different?" There's so many things she could be talking about; Tomas needs context.

"Your thing, going inside with the demon. I thought...I don't know. It would look more...magical. But it was just like the first time I saw you, only less sweaty." Mouse smiles, and Tomas smiles back, a little awkward. "I wanted to see if the demon would say anything if I wasn't there. That's why I left." 

"Ah. Of course." Tomas nods. 

"Tomas. You didn't think I'd just leave you alone to do something neither of us fully understand and incredibly dangerous?"

"Of course not!" Tomas protests. It had been strange that Mouse picked that moment to announce a bathroom break, but he'd been so focused he hadn't really thought about it. Mouse shakes her head and huffs. 

"Honestly. Either you and the demon had a very fast conversation, or time works differently in there, because it wasn't even two minutes before you started getting all twitchy. That was when I grabbed the holy water."

"Did I say anything?" Tomas asks, feeling his pulse pick up. If he'd said anything during the demon's 'loan,' there was about to be a very awkward conversation.

"No. Not until you started trying to exorcise it. You got out the first line before I doused her." Mouse glances at him. "Before that you were just twitching and gasping a little." Tomas smiles tightly.

"Thank you."

 

_This time, he's in the apartment Tomas and Jessica used to hide from the world in. Tomas closes the door behind him, and there’s Marcus, smiling broadly and wearing a black undershirt and soft gray pajama pants._

_“There you are,” he says, and presses Tomas into the door with a kiss._

_It starts soft, a simple 'welcome home' kiss, but quickly turns into something more heated. Marcus' hands move from cupping Tomas' jaw down to his chest, his hips, to pull them closer. He slides a thigh in between Tomas' legs._

_Tomas moans and grinds against him, fingers tangled in Marcus' shirt. Marcus smiles against Tomas' jaw._

_“Greedy,” he says, and presses harder. Tomas gasps and digs his fingers into Marcus' back. Marcus bites at his neck, and Tomas thrusts again, more desperately. He can feel Marcus' cock against his hip, but Marcus isn't moving, just letting Tomas ride his leg. Tomas feels a little embarrassed, but when Marcus pulls back to look at him, there's nothing but affection and lust in his eyes._

_“There we are, love.”_

 

Tomas wakes in another too-hard motel bed. They're beginning to blur together now. He takes a moment to just breathe, throw off the lingering traces of his dream.

_You want so much, Father Tomas._

The demon's words come back to him, and his stomach turns. He stumbles out of bed into the bathroom, retching.

“Tomas? What's wrong?” Mouse calls. He has no doubt she's ready to leap into whatever action is required of her at the moment. There isn't anything she can do, though.

“Nothing,” he answers. “Bad gas station food. I'll be fine.”

There's a moment of silence, and then the faint squeak and rustle that means Mouse has settled back down. Tomas moves to the sink and rinses out his mouth. He looks in the mirror.

He's in trouble.

**Author's Note:**

> This was intended to be 85% sexy dreams and 15% weird feelings, but about halfway through five different plots tried to happen and I had to fend them off.
> 
> Also I love Mouse.


End file.
